Judging Others | A Toxic Trait You Can Avoid
“Faultfinders usually are not content with their own situations in life and therefore try to make others miserable by judging them.” — Greg Gordon
Imagine yourself in a party. You spot a girl who seems nice from afar. You decide to talk to her. You walk straight to her and when you are close, you suddenly raise your hand to say “Hi”.
She freaks out, jumps, and covers her head with her arms. You took her by surprise. She shocks you with her strange reaction. You immediately change your mind about her. You make fun of her response. You assume she must be a strange person, and you think to yourself…. “She is silly to react the way she did”.
Yet, you are introduced to each other. You become friends. When you get to know each other more closely, you know her story — Growing up, the girl was regularly smacked by one of her parents. Every time something went wrong, she was the one to take the blame and was slapped around for no good reason. This has been her involuntary reaction to a sudden hand raise ever since. Her bitter memories were triggered. She was scared. She thought she was going to be hit, again…
Now you feel compassion towards her. She is no longer a weird person to you. The girl is simply traumatized. The girl is struggling with inner pain…
Whether we like it or not, admit it or not, and despite our best efforts, we are creatures who have a natural instinct to judge the people around us either positively or negatively. I have never come across anyone who is not judgmental, and I am no exception. I too, have suffered the consequences of negative judgement and I know perfectly well how being judged feels like.
For this reason, one of the greatest changes I have introduced into my life was learning how to be less judgmental and more appreciative of others.
Negative judging does not only entail making fun of people. It may include avoiding them, describing them as attention seekers, holding other negative thoughts about them, and sometimes saying hurtful words to them. Whichever way the judgement is made, know that you will leave people feeling embarrassed, humiliated, criticized, or hurt. You may also make them less desiring to talk about their issues or what they went through in their lifetime. Your judging would probably also stop them from seeking any help they may need.
“Judgements prevent us from seeing the good that lies beyond appearances.” — Wayne Dyer
As much as negative judging is detrimental to others, it is also harmful to you, and here is how:
1- Judgement will ultimately make you judge yourself
When you regularly judge others and see the undesirable in them, your mind will be accustomed to finding the bad. The more you judge, the more you feel stressed, which will make you undergo harmful health effects.
It is always easy to identify faults. However, it takes a lot of effort to see the good in people and in yourself.
Learn how to accept others and yourself. Accepting your flaws and that of others will teach you how to love yourself.
2- Judgement will drive people away
When you are known to be a judgmental person, people would want to stay away from you, and they would refrain from sharing anything with you.
Building sincere relationships with others requires you to accept everyone as they are, regardless of your opinion.
Remember, when people distance themselves from you, you will be in social isolation and you will end up feeling lonely. This loneliness in turn, will increase the possibilities of causing you health issues.
3- Judgement inhibits your personal development
It is simple — When you focus on pointing out the faults in others, you stop concentrating on your personal improvement.
It is always easy to criticize people rather than acknowledging responsibilities for your actions. Many individuals find faults in others so that they feel fine with themselves.
If you find yourself negatively assessing others, start interrupting this mental pattern. Accept your mistakes and focus on building a healthy lifestyle and improving yourself instead.
4- Judgement will hurt you and others
You may sometimes think that you will get away with it and the person you judged will never find out what you said about them. This is not necessarily true. Your words will find a way of coming back and hurting this person’s feelings.
Always think about what you say to avoid hurting others even if you are sure they will not know.
Besides, when you judge others, you may not feel good about yourself thereafter. You may feel guilty and may think you are a bad person. This feeling will surely bring you down.
Assuming you decide to evaluate someone’s behavior, make it a point to familiarize yourself with their perspective, experience, and their past. Their actions do not have to match your values. Learn how to accept others just like you would want to be accepted.
Gratitude and mindfulness are two good tools to avoid negative judgement. If you regularly practice gratitude, you will train your brain to adopt positive thinking. When you learn how to be grateful, you will find ways to help others rather than passing negative judgements on them. Instead of seeing the bad in them, you will always see the good.
Be mindful of what you say to others. You never know the pain and harm you cause them, even if it is not visible to you.
“When there are no labels and no judgement, there is only logic, sense, compassion, kindness, and patience — all of which are tools to helping someone change positively.” — Xandria Ooi
Train your mind to turn judgement into understanding. Negative judgement will stop you from living a healthy lifestyle with positive wellbeing and peace of mind.
No matter how you justify judgement, know that no one will benefit from it. Negative judgement always has its adverse consequences. It contributes to an unhappy world.
Next time you feel the urge to criticize others, keep in mind that you are ignorant when it comes to their circumstances and encounters, you do not grasp their situation, and remember that you are not superior to them.
Again, and again, let us be kind to one another.
