It is Healthy to Cut Ties with People — Even If You Deeply Care About Them

“The path to freedom is illuminated by the bridges you have burned, adorned by the ties you have cut, and cleared by the drama you have left behind. Let go. Be free.” — Steve Maraboli

I am done listening to the words “You are better than me” — I no longer have the time or the energy to make others understand my worth.

All my life I have been taking care of the people around me. I would be the first to check on them, to help solve their problems, to lend them a shoulder to cry on. In every situation, be it positive or negative, I would be present. I utilized all my time to serving the people I love.

It has been a long journey and it seemed like a never-ending cycle. I barely had time, or even worse, made the time to reflect and identify my needs. I not once asked myself if I needed something. No one around me asked if I did. I held their space, but no one held mine.

Recently, I took the decision to focus on self-healing and during the process, I aimed to find out what I have been missing in my life. I longed to know the reason for my loneliness despite the many good people in my life. Even So, the process did not stop me to show up for my loved ones and be there for them. During my journey, a time came when I was at my lowest. I was trapped and lost. I encountered mental and health challenges. My mind came to a halt. I was not motivated or inspired. I felt void.

Amidst the chaos and stillness, I had an epiphany. Most of the people I took care of, did not care. They never took the initiative to check on me. They were always waiting for me to do all the work. They took me for granted.

I noticed the pattern which I was blind to all my life. They never changed; I did. All they did was take and never give back. They only got in touch when they needed something. Whenever I put the effort and instigated the contact, they pretended to care. This made me feel anxious and made me realize that something was missing in the relationship.

This was an eye-opener. It was not about the length of our relationship anymore; it was about the quality of the relationship. There was nothing left in it for me. They were abusing my friendship. An abuse I had to put an end to. So, I walked away. I did it for my sanity and wellbeing.

I know now that the only people worthy of my attention are my direct family members and the very few close friends in my circle. The rest did not deserve to have someone like me in their lives.

People close to your heart are the best until they are the worst. If you ever feel demeaned, criticized, uneasy, or anxious around them — the relationship is definitely toxic for you.

So, what are other signs that alert you to cut ties with others?

1- When their treatment is severely affecting you

The decision to cut yourself off from friends and family is heartbreaking, but you have the right to live a healthy life and distance yourself from them.

When someone persists on disrespecting you, when they overlook your boundaries, and when they gaslight you, you need to cut ties.

2- When they no longer have any positive impact on the relationship

When you find yourself constantly surrounded with negativity, when the relationship brings you down, when it causes you stress and impacts all areas of your life, when you find yourself regularly defending and explaining yourself, it is time for you to weigh up the relationship and take the inevitable decision to let go.

3- When you ultimately realize the relationship is based on abuse

When your relationship with others is based on exploitation, know that you are being abused. Evaluate your relationship and figure out if you are living in anxiety.

If you find yourself in an abusive relationship, then this raises a red flag for the intolerable behavior, and it is a signal for you to distance yourself from them. Know then that it is time for you to love yourself and walk away.

4- When they are not there for you any more

Relationship with family and friends should be based on fairness and equality. It is a give and take connection. When they continually expect you to give and do not give in return, it is wise for you to reassess this relationship and decide on distancing yourself from them.

5- When they constantly disagree with everything you do

Nobody wants someone to criticize them all the time. Loved ones are there to support and not analyze. Criticism is draining and will cause you stress.

When you find yourself in a position of defending yourself all the time or apologizing for any reason, or when you start absorbing their negative energy, then this relationship becomes exhausting and is worth reevaluating.

6- When you feel bad after spending time with them

Connecting with family and friends should boost your energy. If you constantly find yourself emotionally drained after you meet with them, then something is not right, and you must rethink the relationship.

“Don’t confuse “familiar” with “acceptable”. Toxic relationships can fool you like that.” — Steve Maraboli

It is true, connecting with others is a crucial aspect of our lives if we are concerned about our wellbeing. Good connections are meant to regulate our emotions, boost our self-esteem, and compassion, and help us reduce stress. However, feeling alone in any kind of relationship is unhealthy and unrewarding. One sided connection sets you up for failure. Relationships should be there to create balance in your life. No one wants to find themselves in a position of giving and not taking anything in return. For this reason, cutting ties with people who have a negative impact on you is one of the best things you can ever do for yourself. Stick to people who reciprocate, ones who appreciate you for who you are not for what you bring to the table. Release them and find yourself. Be mindful of your self-worth.